The Perfectionist
“If I am not perfect, I am not worthy of notice.”
An old memory slithers through my mind from time to time. A child crying, the feeling of.. “not enough”.
It’s funny, I don’t remember who, I don’t remember when though I must have been very young.
I don’t remember what it was I wasn't enough for.. But I remember I wasn’t enough.
That is the day the Perfectionist was born.
The Perfectionist is a very.. judgmental person. They are very good at being able to identify what is wrong. They have a very clear vision of what things are suppose to be, and unless you meet that goal, you aren’t good enough.
Now sometimes the perfectionist is correct. Sometimes a person does need to be able to see and judge when they need to improve upon something. We all need to improve our skills at some point. Having the ability to understand what may be wrong is extremely useful. But like all things, it can be overused and misused. It can put us in a state where we feel we can’t live up to the ideal it has for us. We can’t possibly reach the mountain of expectation the Perfectionist has for us... Then the perfection says then maybe you aren’t ready.. And then the motivation is clear.
Often the perfectionist is not here to help us get ready to face the world. Often the perfectionist has no interests in building the skills for a new challenge. The motivation of the perfectionist is not to grow.. but to protect.
It is a protector.. a wounded child.
The best way to be perfect at everything you do is… not to do. The Perfectionist would rather have you spend the rest of your life trying to Perfect one thing rather than do something that may be flawed… Why. Because it truly believes that if it isn’t.. if you aren’t perfect.. you aren’t worthy. And that feeling is hell.. It is trying to protect you from failure. If you limit yourself to your room, then you won’t fail going outside. If you take a job that is extremely easy to do and has little risk.. then the likelihood of screwing it up is low. You won’t fail. If you limit yourself from putting yourself out into the world, whether it be in relationships, your desired career, or your own self growth… You won’t fail.
The perfectionist will always find reasons to stop you from acting, from stopping you from putting your ideas into the world. To protect you.
But remember.. The perfectionist is a wounded child. Trying desperately to find a way not to hurt.
It needs to learn.. that it is perfectly okay to fail. To fall.. because we need to practice getting up.
It needs to know.. that it will always be worthy of notice.. by the one who matters the most.
You.
